You Will Find Your People by Lane Moore

Author:Lane Moore
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Abrams
Published: 2023-04-25T00:00:00+00:00

What to Do If You’re in Love with Your Friend

Harry: It only took three months.

Sally: Twelve years and three months.

—When Harry Met Sally

Like anyone who appreciates fine cinema, I have been deeply influenced by When Harry Met Sally. For many of us, this movie was the blueprint for “Oh yeah, we were just friends who never ever thought about having sex. Never! He was like a brother to me! And then one day I was like oh wait am I . . . in love???? With YOU? So weird!” which blows my mind on every level, since I’ve imagined falling in love with pretty much everyone I’ve ever met (because what if I didn’t think about them being my soulmate, and then had to spend years inside a montage realizing it? No way. I wanted to skip to the good parts, thanks! Must consider all options, always).

The allure of the will they/won’t they friends like Ross and Rachel from Friends, Nick and Jess from New Girl, Monica and Chandler from Friends, Dana and Alice from The L Word, Robbie and Julia in The Wedding Singer, Idgie and Ruth from Fried Green Tomatoes, Cher and Josh in Clueless (remember when it was a full goal to have a hot stepbrother to fall in love with? I’m still chasing that high), and Luke and Lorelai in Gilmore Girls, was that they truly got to have it all: a close, deep friendship that saw them through many life changes, a place to fall when romantic relationships didn’t work out the way they’d hoped, a backup plan, even if only subconsciously, of someone who always loved them, whether it evolved physically or not. To hear pop culture tell it, you were supposed to be someone’s best friend and then ignore the romantic chemistry until it got too much for one or both of you to handle. And then you either date and fall in love, or you date and it’s a mess and you go back to being friends, only to end up getting married a few years down the line once you’ve both grown and/or it was the series finale.

So let’s explore this idea that being a woman with a hot male best friend is extremely ideal. (This could also stand for any gender attracted to anyone, but for some reason the media really loves only showing straight people who are friends who secretly want to french. Wonder why that could be!) Despite the promises of a million romantic comedies that make it sound foolproof, the reality can be . . . less than that, in the following ways:

1. “He will give you guy advice!” I don’t know why we have been told that having male friends means they can universally explain the inner workings of men they have never met, but the truth is people are complex and no one makes sense a hundred percent of the time.

2. “Men are so much ‘less drama.’ “ The myth that “being friends with girls always leads to drama” is well-packaged sexism at its finest.

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